How to explore your sexuality with a man, as a man

Curiosity between men is more common than people tend to acknowledge, but—for some— exploring that curiosity can still feel complicated. Many of us grew up in environments where even recognizing another man’s attractiveness, or a single kiss, touch, or moment of interest, was assumed to define you forever.

But desire isn’t that rigid. In a survey by the CDC, 6.2% of men reported having had sexual contact with another man, while only 3.9% identified as gay or bisexual. One experience, or several, doesn’t determine your orientation, or rewrite your identity. It simply gives you more information about yourself, which is what exploration is supposed to do. 

If you’re starting to wonder about your attraction to men, or are noticing new feelings, you’re not alone. Figuring out your sexuality can be exciting, daunting, affirming, and confusing all at once, especially if you didn’t grow up seeing other men explore in open, judgment-free ways. This guide is here to make that process feel gentler. We’ll walk through what male-to-male attraction can look like without labels, the differences between sexual behavior and sexual orientation, and what it means to explore safely, slowly, and with care.

Understanding male-to-male sexuality without labels

When you’re exploring attraction, the hardest part is often understanding what those feelings actually are. Curiosity, desire, connection, imagination, or something else entirely? Many of us grew up without language for that, or with only a narrow script for what same-gender attraction means or “should” look like.

A helpful place to start is recognizing the difference between sexual behavior and sexual orientation. Behavior is simply what you do: a kiss, a hookup, a moment of exploration. Orientation is the ongoing pattern of who you’re drawn to emotionally or sexually. Those two things can influence each other, but they aren’t the same—and who you sleep with doesn’t necessarily determine your sexuality.

It’s also completely normal for attraction to shift throughout your life. Sexuality can be fluid, and feelings toward men may emerge or change depending on context or connection. You might feel something once and want to understand it better, or realize that your desires have been present for longer.

Exploring without labels allows you to understand these feelings at your own pace, not through pressure or assumptions, but through curiosity, honesty, and time.

Homosexuality vs. bisexuality in men

It’s natural to look for language that might help you understand where you “fit.” Labels can be grounding, but they can also feel premature when you’re still exploring. 

Some men find that their attraction to other men feels steady and central to their identity, which may align with homosexuality. Others notice that their attraction spans more than one gender, which is where bisexuality comes in—including attraction to men, women, and non-binary people. Bisexuality doesn’t require equal attraction to all genders; it simply acknowledges that desire isn’t limited to just one.

Within that, some men experience hetero-romantic bisexuality, where sexual attraction may include multiple genders, but romantic attraction leans toward women. Others relate more to heteroflexibility, feeling mostly straight, but open to occasional same-gender experiences without identifying as bisexual.

Pansexuality might also resonate—when attraction is guided more by connection than by gender categories. And then there’s queer, a spacious, fluid term men often choose when they want room to explore without defining every detail.

Labels can be useful when they offer clarity or connection, but they’re not prerequisites for exploration. You don’t have to have it figured out before you meet and connect with people, but it can help to be honest with partners in order to set expectations. You might also choose not to label yourself at all, if that feels most right for you. 

How to embrace your sexuality as a man

Exploring your sexuality with other men often starts with the messages you absorbed about what desire is "allowed" to look like. Talking to Men’s Health therapist Jor-El Caraballo, who works largely with LGBTQ+ clients says: "We live in a sex-phobic and homophobic culture that helps shape what we see as possible for ourselves and our desires.” So, if you feel hesitant, it can help to ask where the hesitation came from.

Cultural messages about masculinity often carry homophobic undertones. Psychologist Ronald Levant’s research shows that perceived masculinity isn’t innate but a set of social "rules" boys learn early in life, shaping not only how they behave, but what they feel it is acceptable to want. And in some cases, who. Levant found that having a crush on another boy was often treated as a secret or something that made you “less” of a man.

What’s more, traditional sex education rarely explains how identity forms, shifts, or expands—meaning many men are left without language for their feelings. "Because we live in a culture that has [negative] perspectives on bisexuality and same-sex attraction, it's important to gain exposure to alternative[s]," Jor-El says. He recommends two books: Brené Brown's Daring Greatly, which explores how to overcome feelings of shame, and Dr Chris Donaghue's Sex Outside the Lines, which challenges narrow ideas about what sexuality "should" look like, advocating for a more fluid approach.

How to express your sexuality as a man safely and comfortably

Exploring with another man can be exciting, but it can also bring up nerves, especially if it’s new. Here are some tips you may choose to consider…

Communicating with your partner

You might feel you want  to play it cool, or to act more experienced. But being upfront about an interaction being your first time, or one of your first, can make everything easier.

Sharing this early on lets your partner know to take things slowly and check in—and can reduce any pressure you may feel to perform or “prove” anything. You’re not expected to be an expert; you’re simply someone exploring, and that should be respected.

Starting off small

You don’t need to jump into every possible sexual act the first time you meet a man; starting with kissing can be a grounding way to understand what your body is telling you, and to decide if you want to go further. If someone tries to push you into something you’re not ready for, you can say clearly, "I only feel comfortable making out." 

If anyone ignores your boundaries, that’s your sign to step away. You deserve partners who respect your limits.

Doing it sober

You might feel tempted to explore after drinking, because it feels easier or you feel less self-conscious. But when you’re trying to understand how you truly feel, being numb can get in the way.

Exploring sober can mean you’re more aware of your body, your desires, your emotions, and what you enjoy—and it means you’ll be able to remember the details clearly enough to reflect afterwards.

Being sober is not about being serious, but about being present.

Practical tips for exploring sexuality with another man

Start with non-sexual intimacy

It can help to start with simple closeness. Spend time together, sit next to each other, let conversation and body language guide the moment. A touch on the arm, sitting knee to knee, or sharing physical space without pressure can reveal a lot. 

You might feel excitement, curiosity, ease, or hesitation. Noticing your feelings can give you a clearer sense of whether you want to move toward deeper intimacy.

Agree on boundaries before meeting

Talking about your boundaries ahead of time can help your first encounter feel safer and more relaxed. This doesn’t need to be a heavy or serious conversation; it can be as simple as sharing what you’re open to and what you’re not ready for.

You might say that you want to stick to kissing, or that you prefer not to have anal sex, or that you would like to check in often. Having these guidelines in place protects both people, and removes the guesswork once you are together.

Prioritize consent and mutual respect

Consent is more than a single question. It’s an ongoing dialogue that helps both people feel connected and respected. Checking in with a simple “Is this OK?” or “How does this feel?” can make the moment feel collaborative rather than overwhelming. If that feels formal, check out our tips on how to make consent sexy.

Read your partner’s cues and trust your own instincts, too. If something feels rushed, uncertain, or uncomfortable, you can slow down or pause. 

Take care of your sexual health

If you decide to have sex, it helps to prepare so you can relax and enjoy the moment. Condoms reduce the risk of STIs for both oral and anal sex, and having lube on hand can make the experience more comfortable. Water- and silicone-based lubes work well for anal play, and can help avoid discomfort or injury. 

Regular STI testing is a healthy habit for anyone who is sexually active. Talking openly about testing might feel new, but being transparent about sexual health creates trust and supports positive experiences. You can find out more in our guide to prioritizing sexual health.

Navigating your emotions after exploring

Processing feelings and avoiding self-judgment

Your first experience with another man can bring up a wide range of emotions: curiosity, excitement, relief, confusion, or even unexpected calm. Any of these reactions are valid. What matters is giving yourself space to understand them without rushing toward conclusions or judging yourself for how you feel.

It can help to ask yourself simple questions: What parts felt good? What felt unfamiliar? What would you want to try again? Giving yourself room to reflect, without criticism or urgency, allows your feelings to settle naturally.

Talking to friends or therapists

Sharing your experience with someone you trust can help make sense of things. This might be a close friend, someone in a queer community space, or a therapist who understands sexuality and identity exploration. Saying things out loud can bring clarity, and hearing someone respond supportively can soften any lingering shame or confusion.

If you don’t feel ready to talk yet, that’s completely OK. You can take your time. Many people find that simply knowing they have someone safe to turn to makes the whole process feel less overwhelming.

Misconceptions about sexuality between men

Sexuality between men is surrounded by old assumptions and myths, which often come from fear, stigma, or misunderstandings about how desire works. 

“If you try it, you must be gay.”

Trying something once, or even several times, doesn’t define your sexuality. Exploration is a normal part of figuring out your desires, and many men experiment without identifying as gay. The opposite is also true: just because someone hasn’t been with a man, it doesn’t mean they aren’t queer. What matters is your own feelings, and how you choose to identify.

“Only young men experiment.”

Curiosity does not have an age limit.  People discover new layers of their sexuality at every stage of adulthood—sometimes later in life, when they might have more self-awareness or freedom. Your age has nothing to do with the legitimacy of your desire. 

“Fantasizing about men means you’re queer.”

Fantasies do not always reflect identity. They can be about sensation, power, curiosity, or simply imagination. Research published in The Journal of Sex Research shows that many straight-identifying men report same-gender fantasies. Fantasy is a place where your mind can explore freely, and it does not need to align perfectly with your real-life attractions. 

“It is not safe to meet men online for exploration.”

Meeting people online can be safe when you take precautions. Choose platforms that prioritize consent and respect—and consider connecting through messages and video calls first, with less pressure.If you’re meeting in person, think about what kind of boundaries you might want to set—like meeting in a public place first, or telling a friend where you’re going. Prioritize trusting your instincts. 

Exploring your attraction to men could be grounding, transformational and tender. Or it might just be something fun you tried once. It might give you clarity, it might open up new questions, or it might sit somewhere in the delicious in-between. There’s no deadline. Your sexuality is allowed to unfold gradually, at your own pace, and in ways that surprise you. 

Take time to reflect on what feels good, what feels confusing, and what you might want to explore again. Staying open to your own attraction, without pressure or expectation, is one of the most powerful things you can offer yourself.

If you’re curious about connecting with people who treat desire as something fluid and fulfilling, Feeld is a very good place to start.